Epic Movie

Sorry, Loves: Not even 'Captain Jack' can keep this vessel afloat

EPIC MOVIE SINKS WITH ALL HANDS

Like a runaway car with no brakes and a stuck gas pedal, Crispin Glover's career continues its harrowing skid into oblivion with this lame-brained 'satire' of recent Hollywood blockbusters. Which wouldn't be nearly as distressing if Glover weren't a genuinely talented actor.

In all fairness, Glover's Michael Jacksonesque take on Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka is queasily amusing, and Darrell Hammond's hilarious riff as the boozy, sexually ambiguous 'Captain Jack Swallows' is the best thing in this otherwise witless movie.

Unfortunately, Glover and Hammond share less than ten minutes of screen time between them. The remainder of the film is an awkward hodge-podge of ham-fisted movie gags, many of which rely for their humor on the disastrous presumption that patrons of Epic Movie are likely to have seen The Chronicles of Narnia. (Maybe in an alternate universe?)

As if to ensure their own vilification, directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have chosen to populate the film with astoundingly juvenile pop-up graphics and music video sequences that are supposed to be (...funny?)

Almost Zen-like in it's undiluted awfulness. A five star hurter.





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